Blog Post 9: Final Adjustments - Review and Reflection

 Blog Post 9: Final Adjustments

I believe I have met the criteria for this choreographic piece and feel that when it is performed correctly it has emotional impact.  I enjoy performing it and feel a real connection to it.

My initial research encouraged me to consider moral questions in a philosophical manner.  Growing up in a house where William Blake's poems and illuminations are displayed and reference works line the bookshelves, this was an interesting but ultimately theoretical first part of my journey.  Once I was able to apply this theory to personal experience and further researched the challenges of social housing, vulnerability and suicide, then my piece took life.

I have been able to perform my piece, not only to dancers, but also to non-dancers - i.e. the people who would normally make up an audience. I found that they were strongly motivated by the music and particularly liked the choice of 'Rain in your Black Eyes' by Ezio Bosso, together with Jake Bugg's 'Broken'.  Whilst my chosen practitioner, Marco Goecke, has used music which sometimes appears to juxtapose the emotion that is being portrayed, the gradual progression of the music from gentle and melodic to more frenetic was something my audiences liked.  The deep impact that music can have on an audience has emphasised the importance of the correct selection and, although I felt I wasted hours searching for music, this is clearly time well spent.

My final adjustments and alterations have been to the areas that I feel to be the moments of most importance.  These are the moments of highest emotion which I feel need to be meaningful, realistic and respectful.  

I added some last changes to the ending of the section featuring the music of Ezio Bosso, which was to feature the suicide.  How was I to avoid both over-dramatising it but also under-dramatising it?  I had tried stillness in contrast to the music, together with outstretched arms to signify falling.  This did not work.  I ended up including a repeated ball change step to represent the hesitation of running up to the ledge and back again, right before the music ends with a long extended note. This was accompanied with myself running and pleading to take the “broken claw-like hand” away from me, but each time I am thrown away forcefully. Within these moments, I focus on embodying the feelings of someone who has no help. Let down, broken. I repeat this action for the last time facing the audience and making eye contact. I am aware that it is easy to recoil from a difficult situation, to avoid eye contact due to a feeling of unease. I thus included this purposefully, not only to generate unease and emphasise the difficult situation, but to symbolise the fact that people can turn away. This man was crying for help but no one responded; it was too late. At the scene, the professionals arrived after the incident.  Within 5 minutes, 7 police cars lined the street, but no-one was there beforehand, despite his crying and shouting for over an hour.  

Recent feedback has helped me in the formation of the final seconds of the piece.   Whilst I felt I was portraying my shock and subsequent numbness by lowering myself to the ground, I was told that I (to use the layman's term) 'looked like a lump'.  This was harsh but useful! I therefore tried to move with more purpose to the ground, adding a symbolic rubbing of the blood-stained floor.  

There are many sections in the final part of my piece which are linked to those near the start.  I repeat the covering of my mouth and also the placing of the finger on the lips to show an inability to voice of share a dilemma. This repetition was to show the chain of impact negative situations can have.  What caused suffering in one person can be transferred. Feedback in this area was positive as my audience recognised the repeated movements.  I therefore incorporated another repeated phrase when using my arms to move my legs - again a representation of the feeling of inability to move.

Peer feedback emphasised the need for more strength and dynamics within the most intense parts.  It was a good reminder that you can always give a little more and what may feel like your 100% may only appear 80% to your audience.